Why Humans Try to Control Uncertainty (And How to Feel Calm Without “Knowing Everything”)
Imagine this: you send a message… and there is no reply. Your brain starts making stories: Did I say something wrong? Are they angry? That uncomfortable “not knowing” feeling is uncertainty — and many of us try to kill it fast by checking, planning, asking for reassurance, or searching for answers.
Quick answer
Humans try to control uncertainty because the brain is built to predict what happens next. When the future feels unclear, the brain treats it like possible danger, which can trigger stress and anxiety.
At a glance
- Wanting control is normal and can be healthy.
- The problem starts when you feel you cannot cope unless you are 100% sure.
- The solution is learning to tolerate not knowing, step by step.
1) The brain is a prediction machine (and uncertainty feels like threat)
Your brain constantly tries to predict the future so you can prepare and stay safe. When you don’t know what’s coming, preparation becomes harder. That’s why uncertainty often leads to “what if” thoughts and overthinking.
2) The need for control is normal
Feeling in control helps us feel safe and capable. The goal is not to remove control — it’s to use control where it works, and let go where it doesn’t.
3) When control becomes a trap
Some people don’t just dislike uncertainty — they feel they cannot stand it. This can show up as overplanning, checking, reassurance-seeking, avoidance, or endless researching.
4) Control behaviors that backfire
- Overthinking
- Checking
- Reassurance seeking
- Avoidance
- Endless information-seeking
These bring quick relief, but they teach the brain that uncertainty is dangerous — which can make the fear stronger over time.
5) How to tolerate uncertainty (without feeling powerless)
Step 1 — Use the “Circle of control”
Make two lists: what you control (your actions, effort, next step) and what you don’t (the future, other people). Put energy into the first list.
Step 2 — Focus on the short term
Instead of trying to solve the whole future, focus on what you can do today. Break tasks into small steps.
Step 3 — Replace “certainty” with “enough information”
Ask: “Do I have enough to take a reasonable next step?”
Step 4 — Practice small uncertainty exposures
- Watch a movie without reading reviews
- Go somewhere without checking the menu first
- Send a message and don’t recheck for 30 minutes
- Make a small choice without asking anyone
Step 5 — Limit reassurance (gently)
If you ask again and again, your brain never learns confidence. Try waiting 20 minutes before asking again.
Step 6 — Reframe uncertainty
Say: “This feeling is uncomfortable, but it is not dangerous.”
Step 7 — Stay present
Try a quick reset: 5 things you see, 4 you feel, 3 you hear, 2 you smell, 1 you taste.
A 10-minute exercise: “I can cope even if…”
- What is uncertain right now?
- What is the worst realistic outcome?
- If that happens, what would I do next?
- Have I handled hard things before?
When to seek extra support
If uncertainty often ruins sleep, increases panic, or blocks daily life, talking with a mental health professional can help. (This article is educational, not medical advice.)
FAQ
What is intolerance of uncertainty?
It’s a strong negative reaction to uncertainty — feeling you must be sure, or you can’t cope.
Is wanting control a bad thing?
No. It becomes a problem when you try to control everything, including what cannot be controlled.
What’s the fastest way to improve?
Practice small “uncertainty exposures” and learn from real evidence that you can cope.
Conclusion: Your brain wants control because it wants safety. Real calm comes from tolerating the unknown.